he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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