Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
