If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
