This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
