I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
