Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
operation harelip BJ is a go
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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