Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
