I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
