I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My bed smells like the plague
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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