How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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