drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
