so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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