Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
