I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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