and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This is the high leading the old right now
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
