I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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