Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
