You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize