We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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