He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
