They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
