I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
