is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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