Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
