Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
