smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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