It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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