I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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