Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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