after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
