This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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