Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
