she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize