I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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