Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
