i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
