Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
