I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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