i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
