No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
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Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
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He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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