OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
