glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Panties = found
Randomize
