Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
