i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
