The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
