im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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