i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
