I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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