My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
