Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
