This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
