And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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