oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
