just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
