There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
