Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
