Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
