I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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