I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
