he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
