Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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