At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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