I am puke
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
