You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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