I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
