i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
