Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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