you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
