Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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