Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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