I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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