To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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