When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
