It was confusing and full of hummus
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
