Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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