And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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