the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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